The First Second Time Around

by Toni Marshall

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released May 20, 2017

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Toni Marshall Indianapolis, Indiana

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Track Name: Tell me, Darlin'
Tell me, darlin'
do you want me
to go?

I hold you dearly.
I know you're lonely,
but know you're not alone.

You know you're lovely.
From push to shove
we cushion every blow.

The truth gets ugly.
The youth gets rusty.
You can feel it in your bones.

You're not alone.
I know you're lonely,
but know you're not alone.

Tell me, darlin
do you want me
to go?
Track Name: Leave The Glorious Be
When I saw the water
I couldn't see the water in me
but when I felt the glory
I couldn't leave the glorious be.
And though my voice is somber
I still sing my somber song
and the promise of tomorrow
keeps dragging me along.

Once I had a lover
who couldn't see no other but me
and underneath the covers
I couldn't leave the glorious be.
And though our days were numbered
like all the days that'd come before.
We kept wondering 'bout tomorrow
as we were walking through its door.
We kept wondering 'bout tomorrow
as we were wandering through its door.

Once I had a mother
who couldn't see the daughter in me.
So I became the brother
who wondered what a brother should be.
And though my youth was hollow,
my truth was still my own
and the ever growing tomorrow
was never where I was goin'

When I saw the water
I couldn't see the water in me
but when I felt the glory
I couldn't leave the glorious be.
And though my voice is somber
I still my somber song
and the promise of tomorrow keeps dragging me along.
Track Name: The Things You Are Allowed To Want
Clinging to next to nothing
in the middle of America
in a long line of clinger-ons.
Where there's solid ground
there's a line in the sand
a family man is the only thing
you are allowed to want.

These are the things
you are allowed to want.

I know you.
You know me.
I'll remember your name
when they come for you.
You know me.
I know you.
Will you remember my name
when they come for me?

Dreaming aloud
Is it identified?
Is it even allowed?
We're not prepared to see like you.
We won't be party
to your state of affairs
though we really care
that you've got
what you're allowed to want.

These are the thing
you're allowed to want.

I know you.
You know me.
I'll remember your name
when they come for you.
You know me.
I know you.
Will you remember my name?
Track Name: Lord, Send A Leader
Lord, send a leader.
Someone to lead us.
Someone to carry Your righteous sword.
I cry out to Jesus.
Yeah, when it's pleasin'
to the keepers of my earthly ward.

All the hungry legions
at Your mercy come to greet us.
We turn the unbelievers away at our shores.
Throw out the babies with the water.
We can't feed them.
Not when we've got so much freedom to afford.

This gracelessness cannot be laid
like wreathes of fire on a stranger's grave.
To be brave. To be still. Behave.
To be fearful of the law.
While we make our way
through stranger days
still overcome by what we overcame.
We can know You by no other name
than what You've always been called:
Om

Lord, send a preacher,
but not a teacher.
Someone to reach out,
take us at our word.
Someone to fleece us.
Someone to bleed us.
Someone to keep us where we're rightly sewn.

This gracelessness cannot be laid
like wreathes of fire on a stranger's grave.
To be brave. To be still. Behave.
To be fearful of the law.
While we make our way
through stranger days
still overcome by what we overcame.
We can know You by no other name
than what You've always been called:
Om
Track Name: A Little Bird Sings
I've been livin' alone.
I've been livin' alone
in the middle of the whole damned thing.
Is it better to grow while you're playing along?
While you're giving them a sure fire thing.
You've been settling short for a better tomorrow.
Leave the Devil to his fevered dreams.
Down all sides of a worried mind
trickle down slowly where a little bird sings.

All these faces worn by tastes
are a mark of the places we
meet and greet and speak.
I won't lift you up so high
if you promise not to tear me down.

All these natures chained to paper.
Codified common decency, please!
It's hard enough getting up on my feet
let alone trying to get around.

Leave the Devil alone.
Leave the Devil alone.
Let him languish in his fevered dream.
You've been settling scores.
You've been battling wars.
And he ain't done a goddamn thing.

For better or worse, you're the blessing or curse.
You're the love or the hate you bring.
Down all sides of a worried mind
trickle down slowly where a little bird sings.

All these faces worn by tastes
are a mark of the places we
meet and greet and speak.
I won't lift you up so high
if you promise not to tear me down.

All these natures chained to paper.
Codified common decency, please!
It's hard enough getting up on my feet
let alone trying to get around.
Track Name: The First Second Time Around
A celebration of a new sensation.
It's not the thing it was the first time around.
Reformation through a new incantation.
I climb the walls. I sing my songs to you...
take the breath right from my lungs.
Let me start from the beginning
and end when the beginning
ends up just as it's become.
I can't stop remembering all the things it never was.

I light my own way home.
Home's a place I hope to one day go.
I've loved my whole life long
without a thought to where my love has gone.
My love has gone.
My love...

A celebration of a new sensation.
It's not the thing it was the first time around.
Track Name: Boarded Up And Lovely
The body springs from where the body's sprung.
The day is known when the day is done.
I'm a lot of things, but a thing I'm not,
though I'm accounted for from every possible angle.

I left a little something
every time I decided to leave it alone.
Trapped inside a reminder
of times that were never in line
with the say they were shown.

If I could ever get away
from the understudy they chose to play me,
maybe I could take it all
with a grain of salt from my tears.
If I decide to just leave it alone.

Prove you're a lady.
That you're not crazy.
Drag yourself through the rain
and up the stairs to the gate
with all the grace you can muster.
Boarded up and lovely.
Love is just another inner space we create.

Stuck in the middle.
Adrift inter-dimensional.
Awash in sentimental dreams that never took place.
Now is never now or never.
Now is always its own endeavor.
Maybe I'm not so clever,
though I know what it means to be.

I left a little something
every time I decided to leave it alone.
Trapped inside a reminder
of times that were never in line
with the say they were shown.

If I could ever get away
from the understudy they chose to play me,
maybe I could take it all
with a grain of salt from my tears.
If I decide to just leave it alone.
Track Name: It's A Phased Link
From such a little place
tryin' to grasp a greater thing.
And oh man, what a waste.
Why don't you step outside and see the sky
and feel the sunshine on your face?

I don't wanna feel alone
but I don't belong
but I don't belong

What's in poorer taste,
to ignore the truth to keep things smooth
or to lay it all to waste?
One day you'll choose
and you're bound to lose
so cherish all you save.

I don't wanna be alone
but it won't be long
but it won't be long

I've been thinking about you.
I've been doing without you.
I'm beginning to doubt you're
even anywhere out here.

It's a strange day.
It's a phased link.
It's a bankroll that don't pay straight.
It's a late fee on a day late.
It's a no-show on a first date.

From such a little place
tryin' to grasp a greater thing.
And oh man, what a waste.
Why don't you step outside and see the sky
and feel the sunshine on your face?
Track Name: The Best Of It
I can feel it out like I already know,
But how can I know?
Just what exactly is it that I want?

When I'm alone, I'm alone for the best of it.
You get the rest of me.
It's not a lot, I know,
but it's mine to give.
My time is mine to give.
Let's go.

Livin' in the days of never getting in your way.
Just what exactly is it that I want?
Track Name: Indefensible Positions
Take this hammer.
Bend your love
until you blend into the renovations.
When at last your work is done
your blood runs thick with the implications.

Such a long way to have run
without ever getting anywhere at all.
You kept my name on your tongue
while I kept you in the dark.

Did she pick you up when you were at your lowest?
Did she remind you of something you though you lost?

It's hard to leave these days
and all the dreams we've laid to rest.
These indefensible positions
which lent themselves to our dimensions.

Say my name
and I will help you lay the blame.
Offer me the larger picture.
Sell me with your good intentions.

Take this hammer.
Break your love
so you can bend into the renovations.
Still the last of what you were
will show up
written in the invitations.

Such a long way to have come
without ever knowing anyone at all.
You kept my name on your tongue
while I kept you in the dark.


Did she pick you up when you were at your lowest?
Did she remind you of something you though you lost?

It's hard to leave these days
and all the dreams we've laid to rest.
These indefensible positions
which lent themselves to our dimensions.

Say my name
and I will help you lay the blame.
Offer me the larger picture.
Sell me with your good intentions.
Track Name: In The Presence Of Before
I was such a drag.
It was such a bore
when I loved you more
than you could ever be.

This road we've wandered well.
This book is on the shelf.
Back then I wasn't someone else,
still I wasn't me.

I'd be on that short list to success
if they'd shine that limelight on the fence.
The one I was straddling when I got here
and I've been sittin' on ever since.

How can you hold me to my promise?
You never hold me in the present tense.

Write it down. Hold it close. Tomorrow's wild.
It will find you in the kitchen as a child
hiding beneath the drawers.
And I will sing it just because I like the sound.
I love you,
now we can replay it as we gaze upon the shore
in the presence of before and before and before.

We were such a drag.
It was such a bore.
We declared this more than it could ever be.
But once we rung that bell,
once that chorus swelled,
you found I wasn't someone else,
but still I wasn't me.


I'd be on that short list to success
if they'd shine that limelight on the fence.
The one I was straddling when I got here
and I've been sittin' on ever since.

How can you hold me to my promise?
You never hold me in the present tense.

Write it down. Hold it close. Tomorrow's wild.
It will find you in the kitchen as a child
hiding beneath the drawers.
And I will sing it just because I like the sound.
I love you,
now we can replay it as we gaze upon the shore
in the presence of before and before and before.
and before and before...
Track Name: Let Me Know
When you're reminded of something
that you'd rather not show.
You wind up walking around it
wind up walking alone.

When it's time to surmise
just how far behind
you find yourself trailing along.
It doesn't take too much time
to realize that she's already gone.

If you decide to love me, won't you let me know?

You bottled it cleanly.
You brought it along.
You fought off the feeling.
You thought of it all.

But when you find your polite
to the point of watching time
find you playing along,
you take up space in the places you love
but your already gone.

If you decide to love me, won't you let me know?
Track Name: Knock Another One Down
Said I wanna get lost in your love.
I don't wanna be here at all.

He said,
"Her name echoes all through my blood.
In the evening, I can listen
to it calling it out to me."

I'm not the kind of lover
who understands the artfulness
of gently letting one down.

Let's raise a rose-colored glass
to our forgetfulness.
Then knock another one down.

There's so much to forget about.

How much does it cost for your love?
Can you place a price on a life
you could barely dare to dream?
And what happens
when the debt gets paid off?
And they're still holding onto you,
not honoring the lien.

I'm not the kind of lover
who understands the artfulness
of gently letting one down.

Let's raise a rose-colored glass
to our forgetfulness.
Then knock another one down.

There's so much to forget about.

I wanna get lost in your love.
I don't wanna be here at all.

He said,
"Her name echoes all through my blood.
In the evening, I can listen
to it calling it out to me."

I'm not the kind of lover
who understands the artfulness
of gently letting one down.

Let's raise a rose-colored glass
to our forgetfulness.
Then knock another one down.

There's so much to forget about.

There's so much to forget about...